mending

When thinking of fun thing to do for myself I remembered this sewing project I wanted to make. Its supposed to be a tea bag bag.
I got pretty far in creating it however I still need to add the tag and perhaps some felt fruits for the inside.

To start this mending process I went for a walk with my mother. The weather was very nice and we had a good conversation. During the middle we found a nice sunny spot and sat down. It was very relaxing.

I also wanted to try making art for myself again. I'm used to only illustrating for school or instagram, so I kind of lost it as a normal hobby.
I decided to get into it in a relaxing way by making collages. I really enjoy trying to find images that fit together, it feels like making a puzzle.

I tried journaling this week. This because If I write down all I had done in a day they might feel more significant.
I think I do need some more experience in this.
I ended up just writing what I had done that day and not really deeper thoughts. I also tend to forget to write.

Mending compilation video

There were also incidental types of rest, like sitting in the sun, eating snacks or watching TV with my family.
Even though these types of rest are more incidental, something you kind of come across rather than plan them, they are very valuable.

Mending diary entries

Friday
I started the mending by going on a walk with my mother.

The weather was lovely and we relaxed a bit on a bench in the sun.
I also decided to start a sewing project. I find using the sewing machine very relaxing, and creating something always feels good. This may be seen as a productive break, but I’m making something purely for myself so I think it counts. So I gathered materials and made some sketches.
In the evening I also had a nice call with my friend, where we talked for about 3 hours and played cards against humanity.

It does feel strange not actively working on the assignment, I feel a bit anxious that I’m not doing enough work, but I’m just going try to ignore that feeling for now.

Saturday
Today I spend some more time on my sewing project. I made two rectangles of the fabric and overlocked the edges. Since I’m not following a pattern there’s a lot of brainstorming and trying involved, but it also gives a lot of freedom to not follow a pattern.

This day I felt really tired I think it’s probably because of the corona or because of the stressful past months. So after doing the sewing I just read some manga and laid in bed a bit.

Sunday
Today I got very far with my sewing project. I think (hope) it’s starting to look like a tea bag. I folded one side of the rectangles to look like the top of a tea bag, and then folded and sewed them together to make the bag.

I also went for another walk, it was a bit colder but it’s still nice to keep moving. It was really nice to not do anything school/freelance related during the weekend, It’s been a while since I gave myself a weekend off.

Tuesday
Today was kings day so I spend the morning and afternoon eating a pastry and watching TV. I had planned to start working on my video for the project, but I felt tired again and ended up procrastinating for some reason. I feel quite guilty about it but tomorrow is a new day so I’m going to work hard then

Monday
Now that the weekend is over the feeling of not having done enough for school is back with a vengeance, but I still decided to just focus on the break. I finished most of the teabag by adding the straps. (It’s really surprising my sewing machine managed to sew directly on the rope itself, it’s amazing how far technology has come)

For this project I wanted to mend my view on being unproductive, or my ability to take breaks. The way I tried mending this was by actually taking a long break and documenting this with video and diary entries. This project was Incredibly strange for me. I’m used to working 110% on school assignments, so turning around and doing something else on purpose is very strange for me.

Doing the break like activities was great. I reconnected with my sewing hobby and doing collages. The walks are also great for me, I feel a lot better after a nice walk, and I usually get a family member to walk with me so it turns into a social thing too. I think this project was successful since I’ve managed to relax a bit and get better from corona.

This mending process Is far from over, and something I should work on more. I always overthink the assignment and get worried I don’t do enough. To be honest I am quite anxious now that I didn’t do enough for this assignment, but at the same time I feel like I did well? I’m really not sure.

So I suppose the unmendable for now is still some of the guilt, I feel this is symbolized in the form of me writing this reflection at 1 o’clock at night.